“I know…” “I get it…” “I messed up…” “I’m so sorry…” “Please forgive me…” Again and again and again, I say this to The Lord. I kick myself, let the guilt weigh on my shoulders, and yet do it all over again. I’m a failure. I constantly feel defeated. I just can’t seem to be good. Even if by some miracle I figure it out, kill it once and for all, let it go, the guilty scar of what I once was stays with me; as does its weight and shame and hurt.
You may be confused at the moment. Looking at the title of this post your mind probably went to the Sound of Music and you might have thought that you were about to read a list of random things that make my heart all happy and full and instead you start reading about guilt and shame and hurt and all those lovely things. Where am I going with this? I’m sure is what you are thinking.
Do you know what one of my favorite things about The Lord is?
It’s the fact that He does NOT focus on my mess ups, my screw ups, nor my failures.
It’s the fact that He considers my heart.
He considers my motives, my desires, my passions, my insecurities, my longings, the voids I have, the pain and heartache I’ve experienced, the deep and hidden things and secret things some of which I don’t even understand or realize I have.
He considers me.
And then He reminds me of how He sees me, who I really am in Him.
Ultimately revealing who HE is….And it gets me every time.
It’s His faithfulness and patience in the moments that I don’t understand and I’m trying to and maybe even getting frustrated and angry with Him in the process of it all. He just lets me. And then simply loves me through it.
It’s His grace that seems effortless. It just pours out of Him as if He didn’t even notice the mess I just made. And instead of shunning me or ignoring me or even punishing me He chooses to cast it into the sea and forget it. Then as a Father He wraps me up in His arms and holds me tight as if to squeeze the guilt and shame right out of me.
It’s His truth…JESUS…constantly breaking down the walls of what I think I know. And allowing my soul to experience more than I ever thought possible. He is unexplainable and He can not be defined.
It’s His victory. The power that defeated the grave. The power that allows me to rip up my list of sins and live in the fullness of the Spirit.
It’s His peace. It isn’t just something we can rest in, it’s something we can follow. And it’s something we can trust and rely on to literally lead us.
And It’s His love…Oh His love… all of who He is can be wrapped up in this one word…He IS love in every way shape and form. And His love is like a fierce wind or wave that just washes over me taking my breath away…setting me free from any doubt or insecurity I have in Him. There is absolutely NO denying it.
The reason I started out this post the way that I did was because being THAT person…is how I met THIS Lord. And that is when He opened my eyes to show me what have become ONLY a FEW of my favorite things. I would be here forever if I wrote all of them. 🙂
kristenmhicks 
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